


Bruising of the Soul

by Nikka001



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Aftermath of a Case, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, During Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Feels, Hurt Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lawyer Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:07:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27539608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikka001/pseuds/Nikka001
Summary: What is the extent you would go to, to not have to feel anymore?
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	Bruising of the Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, quick note here before you guys get into the story. 
> 
> I was asked to write this by a dear friend of mine on Twitter and obviously, I agreed. When I first started writing this, the actual episode hadn't dropped yet so we were still just feasting off of the split-second shot we got of Carisi in the promo hitting the filing cabinet. So, I wrote this. Based on what I saw and not the episode itself. That being said, I tried to adjust the story as best I could to fit with the premiere so I hope it worked out. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy the story!
> 
> -Annika

* * *

It had been a rough case for all of them but he took it the hardest. She knew him well enough by now that she could see it in his face whether he would admit it or not. He brushed her concern off, stating that it had simply just been a long couple of days. Which, to be fair, was not untrue but still there was something else. Something he wasn’t saying. So, she decided to ask of him the one thing that she knew he couldn’t ever refuse. 

“Hey,” Amanda says from the doorway of his office. She smiles when Sonny raises his head to meet her eyes and steps further into the room as he sets his pen down on top of the stack of files piled high on his desk.

“‘Manda, I told you I’m fine, alright? I promise I’m okay,” he tries to reassure her again, rubbing at his temples when she takes a seat in the chair on the other side of the desk instead of leaving. 

She nods. “I know. I’m not here about you though. Not this time at least.” 

“You’re not?” he asks puzzled.

“Nope. I’m here about Jesse.” It’s a low blow but she knows that her girls are his kryptonite. One smile, laugh, or hug from either of them and he’s done. She can see it now even. The way he seems to sit up just a little straighter at the mention of her oldest’s name. It’s something special he has with her girls. Something that she’s hoping can help her figure out whatever is going on inside his head. 

“Is Jesse okay? Did something happen?”

“No, no,” she assures him, shaking her head and waving her hand to stop the panic that she’s sure is already setting in. “She’s okay. It’s just, she’s been having trouble getting to sleep. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but what I do know is that she usually gets to sleep pretty well if you read to her. Think maybe you’d be willing to come over and read with her? She’d really enjoy it. And I would really appreciate it.”

He thinks it over just long enough for her to start worrying that this time it won’t work but in the end, he’s nodding okay and slipping back into his suit jacket. She stands and waits by the door for him to gather his things together before he’s following her out of his office and back down through the building to the front lobby. 

“Well,” Sonny says quietly as he returns to the living room, “I think she’s finally down for the count.”

“Yeah?” Amanda asks, looking up at him from her place on the couch, Frannie curled up tightly on one side of her, and Billie resting comfortably in her arms. 

Sonny nods, falling to sit on her other side. “Yeah. Now give me this one.” He reaches out and takes Billie into his arms, holding her carefully and whispering sweet words in her ear as he peppers her face with kisses. Billie coos at him, grabbing at his face with her chubby little hands and giggling when he pokes at her belly to make her squirm. 

“Careful Sonny, I just fed her so she might--” Amanda stops, realizing she’s spoken too late when Billie spits up all down the front of Sonny’s shirt. 

“Ah. Yep. Yeah, that’s on me. I should’ve known better.”

Amanda takes Billie from him and tosses him a towel from the basket of laundry on the floor next to the couch.

“Why don’t you clean yourself off while I put this little one to bed, alright? Be right back.” She carries Billie on her hip past Sonny and down the hallway into her girls’ bedroom at the end. Billie is already nodding off as Amanda lays her down in her crib and gives her a kiss goodnight before exiting the room, leaving the door open just a crack. 

She stops just before the living room when she sees him standing there by the kitchen island, his dress shirt off and discarded on the marble countertop while he scrubs furiously at the soiled shirt with a now wet towel. She stays silent, watching him from afar for the first time in what seems like forever, and can’t help it when her eyes trail up and down his body. It’s probably wrong, with him being an ADA and all, but it doesn’t count if they don’t act on it, right? 

Her eyes catch something suddenly, something that she’s honestly surprised she hasn’t noticed yet with how dark it’s become. She doesn’t say anything as she moves forward towards him, her eyes still drawn to the dark bruising taking up the majority of his right forearm and wrist. It’s not as dark as she would’ve expected it to be but still, it’s there, sticking out sorely against his pale skin.

She comes to stand next to him, staying silent as she reaches out to brush her fingers against the bruising skin and is startled when he stills suddenly and then jerks his arm away from her touch. 

“It’s nothing,” he says abruptly, his words clipped and hands balled into fists on the counter. 

Amanda puts a hand on his shoulder and pushes at him to get him to face her. “That doesn’t look like nothing, Dominick. Is that from the other day? When you hit the cabinet? Because I was pretty sure you didn’t hit it that hard.”

He hangs his head, refusing to look her in the eyes, and keep his fists clenched, his arms now hanging at his sides. When he doesn’t answer her, she moves her hand down his arm until she reaches his fist and wraps her hand around it. She can feel his muscles relax under her touch and hears him let out a deep sigh as his fingers unfurl and lace with hers. She lifts both of their hands up so she can see more clearly and brushes her fingers gently against the skin. 

He tenses, his hand squeezing hers and his chest filling as he draws in a quick and shaky breath. 

Amanda looks up at him through her lashes as she leans forward and presses her lips to his wrist in a soft kiss. It’s a simple gesture but one that she hopes can help soothe at least a little bit of the pain he’s carrying around. 

The feeling of her kiss has his eyes fluttering closed and tears falling freely down his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to. I swear I-I didn’t.”

“Dominick,” she says softly, bringing her free hand up to his chin and turning his head towards her, “what happened?”

Sonny draws in a shaky breath and tilts his head back to try and keep any more tears from falling. 

“I uh, I was so angry at myself for losing the case and I just-I lost it. My arm was already sore from when I hit it on the cabinet and for a second I forgot about the case. I forgot about losing and failing and I just...I’m sorry, ‘Manda. I just wanted to forget. Just for a little while longer.”

Amanda steps closer to him, and lets go of his hand so she can hold his head in her hands and make him look her in the eyes. 

“Sonny, what did you do? 

His eyes are filled with tears and when he speaks, it’s with hollow words, “The table. The table in my kitchen. I just threw my arm down again and again and again until I couldn’t remember why I was even doing it in the first place.”

“Oh, Sonny.” 

She can’t help the overwhelming sense of guilt that washes over her and the tears that she can feel falling down her cheeks. Sonny lets out a hiccuping sob as Amanda pulls him in, her arms immediately wrapping around his body and holding him as close as she can. 

He wraps his arms around her waist and buries his face into her neck while he finally lets it out. He mumbles apologies against her skin while she shushes him, rubbing one hand along his back and the other holding the back of his neck, her thumb rubbing soft soothing circles against his skin. 

“I’ve got you now, Sonny. It’s okay. I’ve got you now.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys have any requests for stories you'd like written, please feel free to let me know. I will be more than happy to see what I can do. 
> 
> Twitter: @AnnikaDavila
> 
> Message or just tweet at me and we can see what happens!
> 
> -Annika


End file.
